We just found a tidy little site for you ladies who find guys about as readable as an Egyptian Sphinx. It’s called Girls Ask Guys, and it’s where gals go with a question and – hopefully – get a straight answer from some gent feeling in a charitable mood.
We see there’s some guys obviously posting questions there too. Tsk tsk, gentlemen! The URL clearly says “girlsaskguys”, can’t you read, bloke? Included on the site are plenty of questions in the realm of asking if a guy is cheating on them. Ladies, we’d like to clarify – if you have to ask, the answer is usually no. Guys just don’t go to elaborate subterfuges, and when they do they forget some dumb detail like lipstick on their collar or underwear in the glove compartment. Guys, if you have to ask if she’s cheating on you – it’s already too late!
The ever-titillating Jezebel has a post up about online dating websites now arranging group meet-ups at local bars. Well, folks, you knew it was going to happen sometime: we’ve come full-circle.
Not that it doesn’t make sense. In recent years, web denizens have begun to express some nostalgia for the good-old-days of face-to-face socializing. These events are for members of the dating site only, and private parties at that. Now the next step is to have a company that operates resorts with the online dating profile service on the side. There’s no reason to abandon the virtual just because we’re turning back to the physical – why not enjoy the best of both worlds?
When we ask women what’s the things they hate the most about online dating, the communications from men rank number-one with a 21-cannon salute. Men who join dating sites and indiscriminately message every single female with “Hay BABE wanna FUK?!?” are the pests, the rats, the cancer, that drives women away from online dating. It doesn’t matter if you’re Arnold Schwarzenegger or Bill Gates or John Holmes – do this once, and you’re on the block list forever. A close second annoyance is when men leave their profile blank or only filled in with a sentence or two, plus either no picture or their only picture is a photo of their you-know-what. Add to that winking. From guys, it means “I went down the list and clicked everybody”.
Here’s just a few links in support…
…but sadly, the kind of wooden-headed guys who need to read this are exactly the kinds who don’t – and who won’t care, and will go on making life difficult for the rest of us. But if you can get the message, you can at least come out on top of the heap of messages that all women receive – after they shovel their way through the piles of garbage they get.
Cooking a meal for your date at home is a great way to show off your skills in a comfortable and relaxed environment, but it can take some preparation to make it perfect. Check out our handy tips for a night at home that will be anything but boring.
Do aim to impress…
Tidy the place, get some nice wine, some candles, and of course, dig out your best recipes. There’s no harm in looking for some inspiration, but whatever you cook, make sure it’s food you’re confident with, that says something about you. Perhaps it’s a traditional family favourite, or the first recipe you truly perfected after moving out of home.
Focus on the flavour, and be sure to use fresh produce. You could always suggest a trip to the farmers’ market in the morning! If you’ve met online through a dating site such as Jazzed Australia, check out your date’s profile to get an idea of what kind of meals they’d like.
…But don’t forget your limits!
Keep it simple, stupid! A fancy meal of gastronomical proportions sure does sound impressive, but can you pull it off? Unless you’re Heston Blumenthal, it’s best to steer clear of that de-constructed soufflé for now. Too much can go wrong, and the possibility of blowing your date away with your skills is more likely to become disappointing your date with a burnt dish.
Do keep it light
The last thing you want is for your date to feel stuffed and bloated after dinner, particularly when you’ve put in so much effort. Try a series of smaller dishes, such as a tapas menu. Not only will this avoid any mood-killing food comas, but the thrill of sharing tasting plates with each other will boost your connection and bring down that mid-table barrier.
Do keep it casual
No matter how hard you try, this is not a ritzy dinner date in a top restaurant, and it never will be. Play to the theme’s strengths. A romantic dinner date at home should be relaxed and fun, not buttoned-down and stressful.
Pick recipes that don’t require too much focus and allows you to chat as you cook, or get your date involved in the kitchen with you over a glass of wine for a bit of extra fun.
Don’t start the bedroom talk too soon
One of the benefits of a romantic home dinner is how smoothly you can make the move to the bedroom, but timing is still important! Don’t start that kind of talk too soon on the date, or you might ruin your date’s appetite for good. Let it happen organically, and just like any date, don’t assume it’s a done deal.
Around here, we like to be tiresomely, cheerfully optimistic about the dating world. We chirp merrily about the wonders of the mating dance, tweet relentlessly about the magic of love, and cheer on the conquerors. But if you’ve ever felt like you’re just not cut out for this whole human relationship thing, you’ll get a huge belly laugh out of “Why I’ll soon be a crazy cat lady”, one woman’s ruminations on her un-date-ability.
Oh, come on, it’s not all that bad! But we have to acknowledge that dating, since it depends on meeting strange people and molding them into someone you can live with, can be a frustrating experience at times. And face it, this gal is pretty nuts, and if she still has a chance, then so do the rest of you.
So, when you’re you’re in a relationship where not a lot is happening between the sheets, you know that it is one relationship on its way to ‘splitsville’. With very few exceptions, relationships just can’t survive a lack of physical fun. If this sounds like you, especially if you’re the frustrated partner, here’s a list of common problems that lead to the bedroom doldrums:
- Stress – The number-one killer of sexy-time is stress. We all live stressful lives in a demanding world. If you can take a one-week vacation far away and suddenly you’re doing it like bunnies again, that’s your answer.
- Overwork – If one partner is pulling eighteen hour days, whether it’s earning the family bread or taking care of the kids, they will simply be too tired to be your entertaining concubine – period.
- Boredom – If a partner insists on sex in the same position at the same time with the same conditions every time, and it’s over in five minutes, there’s your problem. One partner is probably yearning for spicy adventures and erotic fireworks, while the other one has all the imagination of a dead mackerel.
- Distraction – This is the realm of temporary problems: The recent death of a loved one, a financial setback, an ongoing dispute, or even some nagging domestic problem can temporarily dam the erotic juices.
- Lack of Attraction – Has one or both partners let themselves go to pot? Can be a lack of hygiene or weight gain.
- Health Problems – Despite what medical ads would have you believe, this is relatively rare. But yes, impotence happens, as do other biological problems involving post-natal complications or other issues. Even lack of healthy eating and regular exercise can kill libido.
- Interpersonal Issues – When one partner is angry at another, and decides to “punish” their partner by withholding sex. Talk it out.
And if you don’t have a partner yet, you could always try speed dating – and keep in mind the tips above for a happy relationship in the bedroom.
Huffington Post shares with us the disappointment felt by one female blogger with OKCupid. She even draws a circle, and it’s that circle we’d like to break. The cycle repeats: lonely, try dating, meet nobody who’s any good, get fed up, retreat, repeat.
Here’s the thing: If you, too, try to do all of your dating in clumps like that, you’re setting yourself up to fail. You don’t just go shopping and look at all the people one day out of the month. Seeking a life partner should instead be something you’re always doing “ambiently”. Passively. In no hurry, but never quitting either.
If you go through this cycle as illustrated there, the lonely period of complete abstinence makes you desperate. The desperation drives you to make poor judgements as you rush out to find men, any men at all. Any men at all are usually low-quality guys you dug up in a hurry, so they’ll all be flops. The flops burn you out in a hurry and make you jaded and cynical – and then you retreat into your hermit shell! Now, how is a decent man ever going to find you if he not only has to seek you out, but catch you at the right time when you’re “accepting application”? You have to apply a little Zen here to see that trying too hard dooms you to fail.
One of the things that scares a potential mate away faster than a drug habit is being too “clingy”. One great discussion over at DateHookup asks to define “clingy” and “needy”. The thing is when one person sees the date as a casual fling, while the other person latches on like they’re hanging onto a life preserver in the middle of the ocean.
If this sounds like you, perhaps you need to step back from any dating and ask yourself if you, all alone, feel like a complete person. Insecurity can blur your thinking, so that you’ll convince yourself that you’re madly, passionately in love with anybody who smiles at you over the coffee counter. While women are usually the ones who do this, men can be clingy, too. In either sex, it’s a serious problem – and a date-killer, to boot!
Let’s face it, watching a movie together is one of the most stereotypical activities a couple will ever do together. We don’t even know how prehistoric humans dated and mated before the invention of the moving picture – our theory is that they attended a stage play and hoped the actors didn’t crack up watching them neck. And before the invention of the stage play, they just sat around and looked at stuff.
This tribute to the fun of bad science fiction and horror movies is just the kind of inspiration for jarring you out of your movie-date rut, by at least getting you to see a different kind of movie. Go ahead, watch Night of the Lepus together and then try to look each other straight in the eye for the rest of the night.
Sometimes it’s best to get back to the basics. After all, we can’t focus on the advanced end of relationship college all the time, can we? So, Huffy-Poo asks “should you move in?” Good, basic advice.
Here’s some things you give up when you move in together:
- Your independence. Goes without saying: suddenly you’re a Household together!
- Your privacy. It might be fun to have your lover around for cuddle-time, but what about when you wake up in the morning, shamble to the bathroom, and blow congestion out of your sinuses?
- Your own rules. Do you have a certain level of housekeeping you maintain? Prepare to have it challenged.
- Your own schedule. Ever match a day-worker with a graveyard-shift worker?
- Your own lifestyle. People who like to crank up the stereo and knock back a cocktail will find themselves feeling shut in by people who spend two hours per night in quiet reading over a book.