For singles, who have maybe met either out socially or on any of today’s online dating websites (or even Phone Sex websites), starting out in a new relationship presents another hurdle: Getting used to a significant other’s personality quirks, including when they’re being angry, frustrated, upset, or just plain moody. This can be one of those times when a new couple is most prone to a fight that can get out of hand. For new girlfriends and boyfriends, here’s a quick list of tips on handling your partner’s less-than-cheerful moments:
1. Don’t take it personally! If you have an insecurity streak, you’re likely to personalize every negative emotion your partner has. This is especially a problem when your partner is very open and expressive. Even after they explain that they’re mad about something they saw on TV, you’ll still have a tendency to think that they must be upset with you, too. Stop thinking that! They really are just mad at the TV.
2. Realize that we’re all human. Nobody’s perfect. We’ve all had days when a bunch of unexpected setbacks, small disasters, or petty annoyances pile up. We’ve all had days at work that make us feel like we’ve been through the wringer. And no matter how much you adore your perfect princess or prince, you’re going to have to realize eventually that they are going to be at their worst and that since you’re spending all your time with them, you’ll get to see it.
3. Give them some space. Unless they specifically seek out your company (more likely when they feel sad), most people want to be left alone when they’re in a bad mood. This is the wrong time to be clingy. If your partner is obviously grouchy, but then throws themselves into some activity such as playing a video game or going for a walk, relax! This is their stress coping mechanism (you should have them too!). After they’ve blown off some steam, they’ll be more in the mood to deal with the world again.
4. Be a good listener. When the time comes for your partner to open up about whatever is bothering them, you’ll score points for being a good communicator. If there was a disagreement between you, usually it was the fault of a failure of communication anyway. Regardless, your SO might might just be in the mood to vent, or may shrug it off and reassure you that it was nothing. Consider yourself blessed if you have a partner who’s good at handling themselves when they’re at their worst!
Psychology Today just posted this list of “10 Ways To Express Love”. Go on, read their list (bah, flowers, boring!) – then check back for ours, where we think around that extra corner for you!
Talk to them on the phone until they go to sleep. Especially comforting in long-distance relationships.
Be their ally in a fight. Is somebody giving your sweetheart a bad time? Valiantly come to their rescue by suggesting retaliatory tactics, or just help them do something rotten to get revenge, however petty and symbolic.
Surprise them by doing a chore for them. Just pop up all helpful with getting their car washed, organizing their albums, or mowing the lawn. Wow! Just be sure it’s something they wanted to do themselves, but didn’t have the time.
Take note of their favorite music. When an album is coming up by their favorite band, buy it for them as soon as it’s released.
Take them to the park on a nice day. You remember, that big place called “outside” we used to go to before we all became computer critters?
Tell three funny jokes. Make it your opening line as soon as you see them. Make them short and punchy. See, they met with you and instantly felt better!
Try to listen more than you talk. Pick a time when they need to vent, then just let them ramble until they’re empty. If they can still answer when you prompt for more, it’s not off their chest yet.
Be nice to their pets. It’s hard not to like somebody when your cat is contentedly purring on their lap.
Have an adventure together. Have it be a little “edgy” but not too dangerous.
Tell them, in great detail, exactly why you love them and what you love about them. Why do we forget to do this?
Of course we all know about the big, obvious red flags – the kind you want to get a restraining order for. But what about those odd little personality flaws, that indicate that there may be trouble with the relationship ahead? Test your partner (or yourself) to see if these trouble signs spell a future ‘single’ status change for you on Facebook…
1. Never saying “I’m sorry” or taking responsibility for off behavior. The person who blames all of their problems on everyone but themselves. But what’s more, never being able to admit that they made a flub, even when you catch them in one. That’s going to be somebody tough to resolve problems with.
2. When all their ex-partners are ‘crazy’. Sure, we have all had that one cuckoo we dated once. One or two. But when your partner talks about every single old partner they’ve had as if they dated exclusively from the mental asylum, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself what the common thread is in all their past relationships. Someday, they’ll say the same things about you to somebody else. Continue reading →
June 9, 2013 – by David Wilson There’s a wealth of dating websites for those in search of romance.
Online dating sites offer a seductively slick alternative to real-world pick-up joints. But, because many dating sites are cagey about any fees they impose, clarifying costs can be as difficult as comparing mobile phone plans. Read more
ACCC Deputy Chair Delia Rickard has launched the ACCC’s Targeting scams report, which reveals that over $93 million was reported lost by Australians last year. The ACCC received nearly 84 000 contacts in 2012, which showed a 65 per cent increase in reports of online shopping scams. Read more
Most couples today are finding it difficult to spend some quality time together. Today’s fast pace lifestyle and the insanity of trying to keep up with their children and schedules have created barriers for couples and are taking a toll on a lot of relationships. If your relationship is in a rut and you’re seeking a way to reignite the fire, then a romantic getaway might be what you need to rebuild your relationship.
Although this may be a bit hard to believe, taking the time to go on a romantic trip with your partner can help to make your relationship much stronger. A romantic getaway will give you both the opportunity to make some time for each other, without the interruption of the kids or the report that’s due to think about. If you are ready to give your relationship a shot of adrenaline, there is no better place for you than Bali. Continue reading →
A guide to tasteful trading of photos for the consenting adult in a long-distance relationship:
A few photos in your Facebook, Twitter, or personal profile is all well and good, but when you have entered into a long-distance relationship (LDR), photos will be an important element of your interactions.
There are a couple of rules to get clear going forward:
(1) Be aware of the law before sending nude photos. Make sure you’re at or above the legal age of consent, and your recipient is as well. Make sure also that your local laws (and the laws local to the recipient) don’t conflict with sending nude photos. You’d be surprised how puritanical some jurisdictions can be, and the simple act of trading a picture between two fully consenting adults can actually get a person labeled as a sex offender – and it can be hard to scrub from your record! Continue reading →
Congratulations! You posted a profile that managed to attract some interest, somebody contacted you, and you’ve exchanged a message or two. How are things going to go from here? It’s up to the two of you, but on your end, here’s some mistakes for both men and women not to make.
#1. Calling/texting too much. – Of course, if they give you their offline contact info, you’re expected to use it. Sure, drop them a line or a voice message every now and then. But buzzing them 20 times per day screams “stalker!”
#2. Herding. – “Herding” is when you have several interesting someones that you keep up contact with, trying to bring them all along at once. It’s not a cattle ranch!
#3. Talk only about yourself. – Don’t worry, the other person will ask about you anyway. When you run right over whatever they were about to say with more stories about you, you send the message that you’re vain and self-centered.
#4. Not know when to drop it. – Everybody has their own speed. Some people want to get this over with in a few days, some people want to take their time and correspond for months, and some people seem like they’re less interested in getting a date and more interested in writing a book in email installments.
#5. Not communicate enough. – On the other hand, if you’re going to send an email, do try to make it more than one line. Same on the phone; try to stretch that vocabulary a bit. If you let the conversation lapse into embarrassed silence now, what will it be like to live with you?
#6. Stalk online. – By all means, you should double-check with a dating partner to be sure they’re not scamming you. However, there’s a line between checking up on your date, and hacking into mainframes the world over to dig up every moment of their lives from early childhood on. We know you’re good at Internet, but try not to unnerve people with it!
#7. Being bitter about your ex. – Obviously, you’re single or you wouldn’t be here. And yes, some of us are recycled singles. Now can you please drop the past and focus on the now?