Here’s some things you give up when you move in together:

• Your independence. Goes without saying: suddenly you’re a Household together!
• Your privacy. It might be fun to have your lover around for cuddle-time, but what about when you wake up in the morning, shamble to the bathroom, and blow congestion out of your sinuses?
• Your own rules. Do you have a certain level of housekeeping you maintain? Prepare to have it challenged.
• Your own schedule. Ever match a day-worker with a graveyard-shift worker?
• Your own lifestyle. People who like to crank up the stereo and knock back a cocktail will find themselves feeling shut in by people who spend two hours per night in quiet reading over a book.

That’s something dating coaches Dave and Ethan try to address in this cute little story about comedic advice for online daters. There’s the usual list of tips for dating in general, but the thrust of the presentation seemed to be that a sense of humor makes everyone more desirable.

Here’s what people are really getting at when they say they must have someone with a sense of humor: Someone who’s fun to be with, someone who does not take themselves or life too seriously, and someone who is not bitter, grouchy, or a basket case. Too many daters think that “sense of humor” means being funny, and so they show up to a date having memorized three moldy jokes on the Internet. No, you don’t have to be funny, you just have to be casual, easy-going… pleasant to be around.

Of course, if you can make your date laugh, that’s a bonus point anyway. Just as long as they’re laughing with you, not at you.

There’s that, but some of us aren’t wired that way. Some of us have to wait for a sign from the sky. We fall in love gradually, like a season changing. How do you know when you’ve gone from “loving” to “in love with”? Here’s a few clues:

• You’re fine with any activity together, as long as it’s with your significant other. Dinner and a movie, washing the car, taking the cat to the vet, nothing wipes the goofy smile off your face.
• You make each other laugh. That’s a good sign that you’re on the same wavelength, or have at least learned each other’s sense of humor.
• You got into something just because your significant other likes it. Their favorite band, Cajun cooking, needlepoint, whatever. And you genuinely like it!
• You can tackle a difficult project together without fighting. Yeah, anybody can be pleasant on a date. Try tiling a kitchen together.
• You can instantly pick each other up when you’re down.
• You habitually give up things you like if the other person likes it too. No, really, you both love each other if the last slice of cake stays in the fridge untouched for three days.

Work too much – You might be thinking “he loves his job more than me!” No, that’s not true at all. No man “loves” his job, but every man likes to have some money in his pocket and a job is a means to that end. A special note should be made for the case of starting a family together! If your announcement that you are pregnant caused your man to start hauling extra hours at work, that’s because every man has it hard-wired as their chief paternal instinct: provide for the kid. Trust us, when that baby comes, the money will get spent, and you’ll wish you had more.

A “night out with the boys” – The occasional drink with the mates is perfectly normal “man time”, especially in Western culture. Going out every night and coming home off his face is another kind of problem, but a night out at a pub once a week shouldn’t concern you any more than your day out shopping with girlfriends would concern him.

Play video games – With all of the other bad habits a guy could have, video games has to be one of the less troublesome. Look at it this way: He’s not cheating on you, he’s keeping his mind stimulated, it’s really not that expensive a hobby, and you know right where he is! Now, if it starts to make his whole life revolve around his hobby, to the point where he can’t maintain a social life or hold down a job, then it’s “we need to talk” time.

Surf online porn – Ewwww! Now brace yourself for the stunning revelation: Men who watch porn make better lovers! Porn stimulates the male sexual imagination – watching what others do gives him ideas about what to do with you. Beyond that, men just naturally appreciate female beauty. Having a picture of a supermodel on his desktop doesn’t mean he wants to run away with her. By the way, this is no longer a male-only activity – hasn’t been for some time.

Not talking – Men, by their nature, are less communicative. Even when they talk among themselves, it’s usually short phrases that get to the point. Women seem to get anxious with men because they don’t know what he’s thinking. Here’s what he’s thinking: “If I drove a different route to work tomorrow, I could shave two minutes off my commute. I need a shave. What happened to my short Philips screwdriver? The Bulldogs had better pull ahead this year if they have a hope of competing in the rugby finals. I need a bigger monitor. What’s she doing? Coughing? Oh, she wants me to talk!” Now aren’t you glad he keeps his mouth shut?

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“My boyfriend is obsessed with checking up on me. He reads my email, scrutinizes every friend I have on Facebook, Googles my user name and reads every posting I make on any site, checks my mobile phone, and so on. At first I was allowing it because I have nothing to hide and want things to be open between us, but now I’m thinking this is going on too far.”

That’s an approximation, but we’ve all seen these kinds of situations, right? Well, the keyword for anybody in this situation is “controlling”. We see handy guides like this one on Top 10 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend, but not one for the updated information age, when the behavior starts in when you’ve just met online.

Here’s the thing: Lack of trust on one partner’s part, such that the relationship’s balance is severely skewed, is a sign of bigger problems down the line. An overly suspicious partner may turn out to be insecure, paranoid, or abusive. This can lead to stress later on, and should be a red flag for you to reconsider whether this relationship is going to work for you.

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While they’re all geared more towards the married / long-term relationship, the thought could also go towards brightening your sweetheart’s day even when you’re only starting out. A few suggestions tailored for dating online or in a long-distance relationship:

• Writing them a poem or drawing them a picture. Even if you’re not Shakespeare or Picasso, the thought is sweet.
• Help them in their video game. This sounds ridiculous until you think how mainstream video games are now and how people who date online also are likely to play games. What if your SO had access to your World-of-Warcraft account and spent an hour level-grinding for you so your wizard gains a level?
• Be their wake-up call. Added benefit, your voice is the first thing they hear in the morning. Perfect for couples who work different shifts.
• Send them a favorite book / video / album from their Amazon.com wishlist.

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We know, we harp on you guys all the time. Well, you’re all such sweet blokes, we really want you to win – but oh, how you do fumble around! Here’s 5 ways men sabotage potential relationships, and we’re going to rub one in particularly hard.

The top of the list is “Not aggressive enough”. That’s the top complaint, and we hear it over and over again. The problem is that we hear the call of the Nanny State and the politically-correct, bearing down on guys to be passive, gentle, meek, submissive lambs who want to lead instead of follow. That’s great – for the office. When women come home, the majority of them seem to want a leader. Note, we didn’t say a caveman cracking her skull open with a stone club.

But be more assertive, have more confidence, take more risks, and don’t be so shy. Make the first move, and don’t forget to take a turn or two after that. The idea is to make women feel special, feel like they’re worthy of you taking a chance on them. We know, you hear this all the time from blogs like this one. We’re sorry to nag you about it again, guys, but this time we really want to see the message stick.

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People were much more likely to use condoms with a sex buddy than with a friends with benefits partner. If you’ve experienced either of these relationships we’d love to hear your experiences.

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What’s in a name? When you come to think of it, using a name that’s too creepy, sleazy, cheesy, or boring has blitzed your first impression before you’re even said “hello”! We’ve seen plenty of user handles that just scream “loser.”

For instance, putting your politics first: AynRandFan is a handle that will never get you a date. Even another Objectivist who loves Ayn Rand as much as you do is likely to want to think that there’ll be some other dimension to you besides just that. Ditto with fandom: BobaFett69 lets people know that you live in the science fiction world so much that you’re barely on Earth at all. Using your Myers-Briggs type indicator in your handle also lets people know that you’re shallow, naive, and are falling for the 21st century version of Astrology.

We could go on and on. There should be more guides like this.

But see, there’s a reason why we’re all talking about this: today’s society no longer makes it possible to have a wide circle of warm bodies around you. Our families are scattered satellite systems where everybody takes off on their own independent orbits. Nobody lives in the town they grew up in any more. It just isn’t possible to have Aunt Bea and Uncle Murray introduce you to the nice young girl they found for you at church.

The concept of “wing men” and “wing women” was born of this; friends who act like a social buffer between you and the dating world. It really does “take a village” to nurture a relationship. So that’s part of what the Internet is is a global village, a replacement. The web doesn’t know you, but it can try to think of advice for your individual situation. Now you have to decide whether to take our advice and don’t take our advice…