If you are interested in how to improve relationship, you must consider gift giving.
When couples marry, there's an infrastructure already in place that dictates what kind of gift is given after a year (paper), two years (cotton), three years (leather), and so on.
Conveniently, too, once you're married, your S.O. can't jump to the dump if you give a crappy gift. But since no such guarantees or guidelines exist for long-term relationships, things can get complicated—especially in the early days, when your patterns aren't yet established.
What if you give too little? How disappointing. What if you give too much? How embarrassing. How to maneuver through this minefield?
Gift Giving
• Anniversary gifts should not be expected until month 6, at earliest. Waiting until a year has passed to mark the occasion with a gift is also perfectly acceptable.
• Your anniversary should be calculated according to your first date, not the day you met.
• When celebrating an anniversary, there should be only one celebration—not a series of celebrations marking the night you met, your first phone call, your first date, you first "I love you," etc.
• Should a holiday—say, Valentine's Day or a birthday—happen while you're still in your first three months of dating, a dinner out or a small, moderately priced gift is appropriate.
• Establish a mutual spending limit before a major gift-giving holiday to preempt the possibility of a gross divide.
• Once you're an established couple, consider creating a "present’s folder," into which you slip ads for things you want or wishes jotted on pieces of paper for easy consultation and guaranteed gift satisfaction.
• In the weeks preceding an occasion that calls for gifts, listen for hints that may be embedded in dialogue with your S.O., e.g., "Jan called me today. Tom sent her an amazing arrangement from that flower shop on 16th and Pine. They really do beautiful work."
• When your partner gives you a gift you like, reinforce the commendable performance with an effusive reaction and some extra attention.
No matter how many guidelines you follow, taste is subjective, and a gift that's appropriate in every other way can still offend. Say you're a minimalist but your S.O. thinks you just haven't gotten around to buying anything for your walls. So he gifts you a painting of dogs playing poker that you would never hang in a million years, not even in the unfinished basement you visit twice a year.
When You Don’t Like What You’ve Got
• Mask your initial revulsion as you're opening the present. Let your mouth hang open in shock, but channel the shock into faux glee, as in, "Holy . . . moly! That is one unusual painting."
• Ask some questions such as, "Where did you find this?" and "Where were you thinking I'd put this?" to bide time and regain your composure.
• As your S.O. is answering the questions, consider your options. If your S.O. is the fragile type, you'll need to come up with a white lie. If not, you could tell the truth gently: "This is so thoughtful, but it's just really not my taste."
• If you don't think your S.O. can take the truth, you might go with the white lie: "It's so funny; my sister has the same exact painting. And I'm just worried that if she sees it in my house, she'll think I'm copying her and she' get bent out of shape." Or, "I had a really traumatic childhood experience with a dog who liked to play poker.'
• Consider seriously whether you can truly be compatible with someone whose tastes are so antithetical to yours.
Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Australian Online Dating website, Slinky Dating Australia - the Aussie-only Online Personals site for men and women looking for friends or serious relationships. Join Slinky Online Dating for Free!
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