Some meet markets are, for some players, strictly meat markets, where the purveyors are more interested in looking at a woman's voluptuous twins than into her eyes. Sometimes this proclivity doesn't become obvious until you're already engaged in conversation.
Maybe you can't disengage because you're a wingwoman and your friend is having a good time.
How do you direct his attention upward?
• Start rubbing an eye as if it's suddenly become irritated.
• Ask him if he would mind looking into your eye to see if there's a renegade eyelash.
• When he's finished looking, resume the conversation.
• If his gaze continues to veer downward, try to shake him out of his reverie by saying, "Have you ever heard that the eyes are the window to a person's soul?"
• If he still seems confused, spell it out for him: "Listen, I know my girls are spectacular, but my brain's even more stunning."
When he goes for the goodbye hug, he pulls you extra close. When he sits near you, he not only touches your arm for emphasis, he touches your upper leg and lets his hand linger. He asks to see your ring, and as he holds your hand up, he rubs your palm with his finger. When he's telling you a story, he leans in extra close so you can smell exactly what he ate for lunch.
What do you do with this inappropriate character?
• When he goes to hug you hello, stick out your right hand and give him a firm, brief handshake.
• Each time he goes in for a touch, pull away promptly so that he doesn't have a chance to linger.
• Try to create a barrier between you and the over-toucher at all times, whether it's a table, your backpack, a pet snuggled against your chest, or lots of layered clothing.
If he's still not getting the hint, it may be time to take aggressive action.
• Get him alone (ask him to help you in the kitchen, for example).
• Spell out your boundaries, using "I" statements—say, " really appreciate how friendly you are toward me, but I am not a touchy-feely person. I just don't communicate that way.
• If he's still not getting the hint, tell him you got him alone to let him know that you've been diagnosed with a contagious skin disease.
An all-too-common move at dance clubs is the cheesy work-her-from-behind, when an eager fellow approaches his mark from the rear and proceeds to dry-hump her without her permission. A woman can get around this by going to clubs only on gay night (when they have the best music, anyway) or with our advice for extraction.
• Immediately dance forward and away from the offending clubgoer.
• If you are dancing with a group of friends, dance over to a spot between two of them and stay there for protection.
• Make eye contact with the clubgoer and indicate, by shaking your head "no" or by wiggling your finger back and forth, that you're not interested.
• If you've tried the subtle approach and the fellow is still all over you like a cheap suit, resort to simple self-defense moves. You're in the perfect position to take an elbow and jerk it backward, directly into the clubgoer's gut. Or, raise your dominant foot and stamp down hard on one of his feet.
• Now, turn around and say in no uncertain terms, "I do not want to dance with you."
Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Australian Internet Dating website, Slinky Dating Australia - the Aussie-only Online Dating site for men and women looking for friends or serious relationships. Join Slinky Online Dating for Free!
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