A good relationship advice is that no one should presume to have exclusive access to another person unless the arrangement has first been discussed and agreed upon.
It's like calling shotgun—your claim to the front seat means little until it's verbalized. Of course, this issue is more delicate than the front seat, and like any state-of-the-relationship talk, the "are-we-exclusive?" chat starts from a place where there's an imbalance of power— whoever initiates the conversation is taking a risk.
Before you lay yourself bare, how do you know it's the right time?
The Right Time Occurs
• Often after the second date and/or before the first sex encounter. (Experts concur that this "right time" happens on average after about four to six weeks.)
• After at least two of the following become standard operating procedure: the consistent use of "we" over "I" by both parties; checking with each other before making weekend plans; introducing each other to a third party as "my boyfriend," "my girlfriend," or "my main squeeze"; meeting members of each other's families.
• When you don't want to date anyone else, at least for the time being.
• When you agree on "the right thing to do" when confronted with the following scenario: A supermarket cashier gives you an extra $20 change by mistake. (Agreeing on this point shows that your values are well-aligned.)
• When you know two of the following facts about each other: middle name; three formative childhood stories; and one deep, dark secret that no one else knows.
• When your gut isn't telling you to hire a private detective when your paramour claims never to have been through a sex-change operation and/or in jail.
Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Australian Online Dating site, Slinky - the dating site for Australian Singles looking for great friends and genuine relationships. Join singles from all over Australia and Sydney for Free!
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