Everyone's had the friend who seems to drop out of existence once she starts dating someone seriously. And everyone has the friend who is suddenly dragging their new partner to every gathering of his pre-relationship social circle, including Gentlemen’s' Poker Night.
Neither extreme works very well—both methods alienate the friends, not to mention creating animosity between the friends and the S.O. for no good reason. The best way to integrate your new love into your old group is to go your own way as a couple when appropriate and to include your S.O. in group activities when appropriate.
Keep our love relationship advice in mind:
• Being a couple is not a good reason to exclude single friends from plans. The "third-wheel" or "fifth-wheel" concept is a myth. Couples can coexist harmoniously with the uncoupled, unless they insist on making obnoxious comments like, "Hey, Carol, do you think you'll ever find a boyfriend?" or "Oh, Carol, [sigh] I just wish you could find as much happiness as we have."
• You may have had a flirty relationship with one or more of your friends. Put an end to the flirting, especially when your partner is present.
• Do not abandon a friend-in-need for your S.O. For example, if a good friend needs a ride to the ER because her appendix just burst, you should drive her and cancel the dinner date with your S.O.
• Don't assume that it's always okay to bring your partner to social events, especially a small gathering. Ask permission of your host first.
• There is no exception to the "secret" rule. If a friend confides in you and asks that you not tell a soul, this includes the person you're dating.
• Likewise, neither your new partner's performance in the bedroom nor his for-your-eyes-only quirks are conversation fodder for your larger group of friends and acquaintances. (For your closest friends, maybe, but only when the disclosure is in the interest of seeking or dispensing advice or support.)
• Do not expect your new partner to give up nights out with his friends and/or previously established regular engagements.
You probably need some useful love relationship advice before you first meet your partner’s friends. The first meeting is mostly symbolic. They've heard about you and you've heard about them, so both parties are entering into the meeting with certain assumptions and expectations.
Each of you is vigilant for different reasons (what if they don't like me? what if we don't like her?). And you probably don't know the extended back story to the group's dynamics and history. There could be unrequited love, rejections, jealousies—all of which can contribute to their reception of you, the new girl. Simply try to be unobtrusive, and observe these rules for a flawless debut.
Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Australian Internet Dating website, Slinky Dating Australia - the Aussie-only Online Dating site for men and women looking for friends or serious relationships. Join Slinky Online Dating for Free!
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