Digital modes are great for some kinds of communication, but it's a bad idea to fight over e-mail, TM, or IM for the same reason it's a bad idea to use these as the sole method of communication.
Just as it's easy to project your own fantasies onto an unseen person, it's easy to misinterpret the intentions of an invisible sparring partner. A breezy, sarcastic comment might come off as insulting and obnoxious when there's no raised eyebrow, chuckle, or elbow nudge to provide context.
This is especially true when you have relationship problems and either partner is more sensitive than normal.
Text Fight
• Assess whether you've gone from communicating to flaming. Are any of the following signs in evidence?
a) Your breath is getting shorter and your chest tighter.
b) The messages are so nasty, you gasp aloud.
c) The back and forth of messages is instantaneous, because both of you are so pissed off, you're crafting your next comeback before you receive a reply to the last one.
• If one or more of the above is happening, realize that it's time to cease and desist.
• When it's your turn to type next, write, "Calling you now."
• Pick up the phone and talk things through in real time.
• If your partner doesn't pick up the phone and instead tries to continue the text fight, take the high road and refrain from replying no matter how many times he baits you.
• When you are next face-to-face, the best way to solve your relationship problems is to initiate a talk about what happened and when things spun out of control. You may want to come up with a signal for the next time things are getting out of hand, such as "May Day, May Day" or an abbreviation, "MDMD."
Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Australian Online Dating site, Slinky - the Aussie-only Online Dating Service for men and women looking for friends and relationships. Join dating singles from all over Australia and Melbourne for Free!
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