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Getting over a relationship is often not easy and most of your friends will instruct you to receive a breakup in a classy manner, without drama or hysterics, but this simply isn't realistic. A breakup is not a failed business merger.
Still, such tips getting over a relationship are useful when your goal is to manifest emotional subterfuge—that is, to pretend you're not boiling over with rage
• Employ a poker face by thinking immediately of the most boring movie/play/lecture you've ever attended. You are emotionless, expressionless and blank. You may even yawn.
• Speak slowly, at a normal, conversational volume. Avoid interrupting, and refrain from using expletives.
• Ask thoughtful questions to ascertain the dumpers reasons for ending the relationship. If he says, "I just don't think we have enough in common," you should ask, "Oh, you mean other than the fact that we grew up in the same town, have the same religious background, and work in the same profession?"
• It is completely within your rights to ask, "Is there someone else?"
• It is completely within your rights to stick the dumper with one little jab, "Is it because none of my friends think you're good enough for me?"
• Should he think that your questions indicate a challenge make clear your intent: "I'm just trying to understand the reasons behind this so that it's easier for me to reach closure."
In some unfortunate instances, a person may be unwilling to accept the demise of a relationship, no matter how unhealthy that relationship may have been. This person may flagrantly disregard all the "classy breakup" rules and wish to hold onto their soon-to-be ex both literally and figuratively.
How Do You Shake Off the Unwilling Dumped?
• Since it's your duty to listen, you should remain silent and let the dumped have his say, at least until he starts repeating himself.
• Let the dumped know you're listening by repeating what he's said in an "I understand" statement: "I understand that you think we're perfect for each other, that you don't think I'll ever find anyone who loves me as much as you do."
• Now affirm the point to make him feel as if you've given it serious thought: "I'm sure you're right that it's going to be difficult for me to find anyone as special as you."
• Go back to your talking points: "But I just don't feel we're right for each other. We don't have enough in common, and we don't want the same things in life."
• After a few rounds of this exchange, it's prudent to put the dumped out of his misery by expressing an absolute, unambiguous goodbye. Say, "Goodbye. Take care," and close the door behind you.
When getting over a relationship it's not okay to simply stop calling, change your e-mail address and phone number, or leave the country to avoid breaking up directly. You must face the music. If you don't go through the motions of the breakup, it’s not officially a breakup.
A fake break is when two people break up but they don't actually stop seeing or sleeping with each other. If you still see or talk to your ex more than once a week that is a fake break. The confusion that comes from a fuzzy break is most painful for the dumped. It's not fair for the dumper to ask that the dumped continue to be available physically and/or emotionally. The dumped should call for clarification by taking the following steps.
• Bring up the issue the next time the ex calls wanting to talk or wanting to schedule a pseudo-date.
• Introduce the inconsistency. Say, "We officially broke up a month ago, but we're still seeing each other as much as we did when we were a couple."
• Demand that the dumper own his decision by asking, "Are we broken up or not?"
• If the answer is "yes," insist on not seeing each other any more. Tell him, "I don't think it's a good idea to stay friends, after all. This is too confusing for me."
• Tell him that you will call when you're ready to be back in touch, and request that he respect your request by maintaining her distance.
Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Australian Online Dating website, Slinky Dating Australia - the Aussie-only Online Singles site for men and women looking for friends or serious relationships. Join Slinky Online Dating for Free!