Crises can bring out the best or the worst in people, and with breakups, the chances that the worst will come out increase in the months directly following the breakup.
This is when the truth is sinking in, and the resentment begins to fester. During this time, the dumper needs to be aware of their ex's fragile state. Here comes some advice on getting over a relationship for the months immediately following the break.
• The dumper should wait at least three weeks to post or reactivate an online personal ad.
• The dumper should not call the dumped at a vulnerable (or drunken) moment to rehash issues from the relationship or to take back their decision (e.g., "I really miss you" or "I made a mistake").
• The dumper should never booty call or booty text the dumped.
• The dumper should not attempt to initiate romantic relations with any of the dumpee's acquaintances, friends, family, or coworkers even if he or she always thought they were kind of sexy.
• The dumper and the dumped should return each other's personal belongings, by courier if possible, to prevent awkward face-time.
The healthiest among us subscribe to the view that "happiness/success/living well are the best revenge." But that's usually little solace to a person who's been unceremoniously dismissed from a relationship. This person is, understandably, suffering. She's passing through the necessary stages of shock, sadness, and anger. This last phase is when revenge fantasies come into play. But taking the high road is more than admirable; it's also the best way to make the other person realize what he's lost. If he runs into you being all pouty and sad, he's going to congratulate himself for dodging a bullet. Here's how to up your confidence and appearance so that your first run-in is a true act of revenge.
• Work out. Head to the gym, the trail, the slopes, whatever it takes to get you a bit more toned and slim than you were during your relationship (and we all let ourselves go during a relationship).
• Bleach your teeth. This will make him think to himself, "There's something different about her, I just can't put my finger on it. But damn, she looks good."
• Change your bitter thoughts into positive thoughts. It's a psychologist's mantra. Every negative thought you have—"I'll never find anyone as nice as Paul"—can be flipped into a positive thought: "He was too nice, a total doormat."
• Surround yourself with men. The more men you have around, the more will come. The more men you hang with, the more men will notice you.
• Make sure news of how well you're doing trickles down to your ex, through mutual friends or acquaintances.
You may need to do more than just act morally superior and live well. You're only human, after all. Just be sure you don't do damage to yourself by ruining your own reputation or getting in trouble with the law. Figure out ways to get even—or at least inflict some pain—without getting caught or in trouble. Here is some advice on getting over a relationship for this case.
• Write a nasty letter but don't send it.
• Send back all the stuff left in your place, postage due, and stick a really heavy book in for good measure. (You thought it was his. Oops!)
• Sign him up for a subscription to Playboy and use his office address. Check the "Bill me" box.
• Advertise his house for sale "by owner" in the local paper or online listings. Make it sound like a steal, and list the address and an open house early on a Sunday morning. Watch from a secure location, incognito.
Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Australian Online Dating website, Slinky Dating Australia - the Aussie-only Online Personals site for men and women looking for friends or serious relationships. Join Slinky Online Dating for Free!
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