Before you go about getting a relationship, decide if you are ready for one.
Remember that it is totally useless to start working on a “we” before you have figured out the “me”.
We all carry emotional baggage from our past around with us. To be able to succeed in a committed relationship, you need to be completely ready for it, physically, emotionally, financially, legally, and spiritually.
• Physically you should be healthy and in decent shape, if possible. This does not mean that people who are or have been ill, or out of shape cannot have relationships. It simply means that a lack of drive to get into shape may indicate underlying emotional issues, and that illness may not be the best time to start a relationship, because you need all your faculties to concentrate on getting well.
• Emotionally, you need to make certain that you are not on the rebound. Make sure you are completely over your past relationships, and have resolved any old issues of hurt or anger. Heal any childhood pain and trauma with the help of a professional if necessary, and learn resourceful behaviours to deal with anger.
• Financially make sure you are not in debt, because that is a bad way to begin a relationship. Figure out how any child support or spousal support that you are paying will fit into the budget if you have a significant other.
• Legally, resolve any possible legal issues. Take care of any divorce, custody, spousal support and child support situations. Avoid becoming involved in any unpleasant legal matters as far as possible.
• Spiritually, figure out whether you are religious, an Agnostic or an Atheist. Decide whether it is important to you for your partner to be of the same faith. Is it important to you to have any children you have brought up in your faith?
Take the time to actively consider all of these issues, before you can really work on a relationship. Making and keeping mutual agreements and commitments is the basis of any mature romantic relationship. It is essential for each partner to know that they can count on the other partner to keep the promises and assurances they make. And this can truly be achieved only when your own self has been totally resolved.
Not honoring agreements or commitments is a betrayal. Think of the relationship as an entity that needs to be guarded and protected. Making and keeping agreements and respecting your partner are ways to do that. So, only make an agreement or commit to something when you really believe you can do it, and renegotiate the agreement or commitment with your partner, if you find yourself unable to keep to it.
Your partner will have expectations that will be disappointed so be patient, and compassionate with them. It is the basic ingredient of any good relationship that you must honor and respect your partner’s feelings. It is the only way of making and keeping a relationship healthy. Learn to really listen to your partner, with your heart and all your attention. Every so often, remind your partner that she/he matters to you and their feelings matter too.
Your presence and caring, in an emotionally charged situation, will go a long way towards strengthening your relationship, and making it a lasting one.
Jodie Brittain is the CEO of Australian Internet Dating website, Slinky Dating Australia - the Aussie-only Online Dating site for men and women looking for friends or serious relationships. Join Slinky Online Dating for Free!
Slinky Dating Australia
|
